Thursday, October 11, 2012

Living Will Form

I hope that I don't have to use this, but just in case . . .


I, ____________, being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of partisan politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it, or
lawyers/doctors/hospitals interested in simply running up the bills.

If after a reasonable amount of time passes, and I fail to ask for: (Check appropriate items): a Bloody Mary______, a beer ______, a Gin and Tonic _______, a Glass
of Chardonnay ______, a Steak ______, the TV remote control ______, a bowl of ice cream ______, the sports page______,Sex______, or Chocolate_______, it should be presumed that I won't ever get any better. 

When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my appointed person and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes, and call it a day. At this point, it is time to call the New Orleans Jazz Funeral Band to come and do their thing at my funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise their glasses to toast the good times we have had or should've had.


Amendment #1:
Should I become incapacitated as described above, DO NOT PULL THE PLUG until

after I have voted against Barack Obama by absentee ballot in the November 2012 election.

Amendment #2:
If the plug has been pulled in violation of #1 above, transport my body to Chicago so that I can still vote against Barack Obama.



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