Thursday, April 14, 2011

Dark Humor, goes great with a roasted swan and some red whine.

Noah 2011

In the year 2011  , the Lord came unto Noah and said:
Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see
the end of all flash before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few
good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending
rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his
yard - but no Ark.
Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?
Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed.

I needed a building permit.

I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by
building the Ark in my yard, and exceeding the height limitations. We
had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then, the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for
the future costs of moving power lines  and other overhead obstructions,
to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea.
I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear
nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local
trees in order to save the spotted owl.

I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to
save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me.
They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will.
They argued that accommodations were too restrictive, and that it is
cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd
conducted an environmental  impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights
Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my
building crew.

Immigration is checking the status of most of the people who want to work.

The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire
only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, they seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying
to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to
finish this Ark.

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a double
rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to
destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord.

"The governments beat me to it."

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